Marwood: (Voice-over) Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day, and for once I'm inclined to believe Withnail is right. How infinite in faculties! "In a world exclusive interview, 33 year old shot putter Geoff Woade who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. Prostitutes for the bees. Withnail: Now, come along, he's going to revitalise himself and you're going to finish the vegetables. The paragon of animals. Withnail: "Here. I recommend you smoke some more grass. Stop saying that! [They drunkenly barge into some tearooms]. St Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that. Marwood: Well, I don't know. Don't vent spleen on me, I'm in the same boat! "I'm gonna pull your head off because I don't like your head.". For reasons I can't really discuss with you, he had to go to Jamaica. He can eat his ****ing radish. I've always been fond of root crops but I only started to grow last summer. We mean no harm! I adore you. Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. Eat some cake. No fridges, no televisions, no phones. Marwood: [holding him back] Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. Danny: I don't advise a haircut, man. Don't look, don't look! The beauty of the world. Irishman: Wake up you bastard, or I burn this bastard bed down! Marwood: Who fucks arses? We'll buy this place and have it knocked down! St Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that. Withnail And I - Wikipedia en.m.wikipedia.org. I mean look at us! Rejuvenate. This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Withnail: An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door, she still doesn't answer. Find your neutral space. Jake: Goes into court in his caftan and a bell. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. Jake: Now look, you. Monty: Burnt! Marwood: You won't keep us anywhere. The "I must sleep with you because I've been scared" - convenient isn't it, when you're both half or . Withnail: How should I possibly know what we should do? Them pheasants are for his pot. [spits onto the ground] How right you are, how right you are. The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! [Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood], [Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce]. Throw yourself into the road, darling! You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. Marwood: What the f*** are you talking about? Listen to this. Oh, Oxford Marwood: Monty: Uncle Monty: Oh! [leaning out the car window] Marwood: Monty: How dare you! Parkin's been. Monty: And how dare you tell him you rejected me?! A self-sustained nicotine-yellow and fly-blown lung. Why can't I get on television? What a piece of work is a man. Quite freaked me at the time. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Marwood: We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! Withnail: What had I done to offend him? Warm up? Danny: withnail magazinweb. There's the supper. As a youth, I used to weep in butchers' shops! Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity. Stand aside! Withnail: How should I know where we are? [casually lighting a cigarette] [looking at a newspaper] Especially that. Yes, but if it rains, we're buggered. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. Poacher. [high-pitched voice] [extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky]. Marwood: No we're not, we're here. No, man, this was more like a long white hat. [pulling back the lace curtain] Calm down. Withnail: I think we'd better release you from the lgumes and transfer your talents to the meat. Ah, he knows. Withnail: *Scrubbers*! 4 Mar. Withnail: You love him. As a youth I used to weep in butcher's shops. We've just run out of wine. I'm not having this shag sack insulting me! The only programme I'm likely to get on is the fucking news. [voiceover] Danny's a genius. Peter Marwood: That's alright, I'll go alone. Give me a downer, Danny. You lose, you gain. [Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid]. You're simply blackmailing your emotions to avoid the realities of your relationship with him. Before I became a journalist I was in the Territorials. [voiceover] Marwood: Get out of it for a while. Look at Geoff Woade. Withnail: Jake: Withnail: Then why's he wearing that old suit? We are 91 days from the end of this decade and there's gonna be a lot of refugees. We'll keep them here til they arrive. All right, this is the plan. I demand to have some booze!. Haven't seen Gielgud down the labour exchange! God fulfils himself in many ways. No fridges, no televisions, no phones! Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! quotes military heroes famous quotesgram. We're in this cottage here. [reading graffiti] Sort of said it without thinking. What fucker said that? Listen, we're bona fide. Withnail is cowering under the covers, the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch, screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning, the man who called Marwood a ponce gets up and walks over to them. Call Of Duty 4 Modern Warfare: War Quotes - YouTube www.youtube.com. What are we supposed to do with that? All right here? Marwood: Sherry? Your email address will not be published. Web. It is called a Camberwell Carrot. 4 Mar. These aren't mine, they belong to him. Belongs to the fellow downstairs. [holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube]. It's a part I intend to play, Uncle. Quotes.net. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. Suits me. We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. Tell him if you must, I no longer care. Withnail: [a few minutes later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a wet stick]. This doll is extremely dangerous. Yeah, I know that, you've got to kill it. He's a madman. The only thing youre in that Ive been in is this ****ing bath! [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow. I've no idea. I called him a ponce. Chin-chin. Danny: Withnail: Two quid? And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. [while high on drugs] Withnail: The old bugger's come a long way and I didn't want to put the wind up him. The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. The movie, which ta. [shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement]. Bit early in the morning for festivities, isn't it? Cunt gave him two years. Withnail: Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. Oh, don't tell me you're not aware of it, I know what you're up to and so do you. . General: Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. And the Coalman looks at him and says "You think *you* look normal, your honour?" Withnail: It'll pass. Oh dear no no No, I'd be sucked into his trap! Then they must be delighted with your career. This suit was cut by Hawke's of Savile Row! The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. Withnail: I think we've been in here too long. Withnail: [to Marwood] He can eat his ****ing radish. If I see that silage heap hanging about up here, *I'll take the bastard axe to him*! She said she'd closed. Here are found the emeralds, sapphires, carbuncles, topazes, chrysolites, onyxes, beryls, sardius, and other costly stones. There is a certain. Marwood: (Voice-over) Thirteen million Londoners have to wake up to this. Even the wankers on the site wouldn't drink that! Marwood: Marwood: Don't you agree? Withnail: I'm utterly arseholed. You don't understand. It sent chills up and down my spine when Keith quotes Prabhupada when he said . [voiceover] When that moment comes, one's ambition ceases. Withnail: You want me to call what's-his-name and ask him about his house? [after trying the Camberwell Carrot] There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! save. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Here grows the plant Assidos, which, when worn by any one, protects him from the evil spirit, forcing it to state its business and name; consequently the foul spirits keep out of the way there. If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry neither did they. Marwood: [he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. [as Marwood walks past him] Start shouting. Monty: Withnail: London is a country coming down from its trip. The man is rich and homosexual and he tries to persuade them, but he gives up because he's convinced there's something between them. [telephoning his agent] Marwood: Withnail: Marwood: I'm preparing myself to forgive you. It's trying to get itself in with you. The carrot has mystery. Danny: This boy's been out there frozen to the marrow and you just sit in here drinking. No, he'd like a bit of pleading. Withnail: Probably on a tenner a day, and I know what for! They walk down to the cottage. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. It's you he wants. Withnail: Good old Jake. I would say. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author's best ideas. We've got to get some booze. Withnail: 'Scuse me. But no man's put me down yet. No need to get uptight, man. I don't want to hear it. You mustn't blame him. These eels are for my pot. They are flat broke, so they move to the house of Withnail's uncle in the countryside. Throwing themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness! Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! Required fields are marked *. Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. . Balls! Beastly, ungrateful little swine! Marwood: I didn't call you inhumane. Danny: Don't get uptight with me, man. Withnail: (He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. Marwood: That's worse than meths! The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. Marwood: Withnail, you bastard, wake up. Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life.'" Withnail: Tactical necessity. Monty: Withnail: Withnail: Sitting down to enjoy my holiday. [after having entirely covered himself in muscle embrocation to keep warm] Marwood: Marwood: Marwood: (Takes the shotgun) Well let me tell you something, Withnail. Im in a park and Im practically dead. Ive absolutely no interest in yours. What are you talking about, Danny? Withnail: Would it be in bad form to plagiarise a toast? Withnail: Withnail unfolds the note and hands it to Monty. Alright, we're going to have to work quickly. Politics, man. You wouldn't spike me, you're too mean. You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. Oh, my boys, my boys, we're at the end of an age. [calmly] Soak up the booze. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. He leans up close to her, speaking into to her hearing aid, Mr Parkin is sitting on his tractor with one leg wrapped from thigh to ankle in a plastic fertiliser bag. Hare. Yeah, I know, but I got the logs in. Withnail: They don't like me being on stage. I tried not to. [holding up a pill] [pointing at a table] Night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. [Withnail and Marwood are lying in bed together, listening to a man coming inside the cottage. I'll deal with the water and other plumbings, you can check the fuel and wood situation. Do you like vegetables? [he picks up the kettle on the stove. Monty: Here hare here. Monty: Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Mrs. Parkin: Oh, bollocks to the Wellingtons. Withnail: Thanks! Will we never be set free? [after a phone call with his agent] Flowers are essentially tarts. Marwood: A coward you are, Withnail! Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Danny: Withnail: A coward you are, Withnail! STANDS4 LLC, 2023. How can I possibly know what we should do? Withnail: No you won't, you're not leaving me in here alone. Monty: Here comes another fucker! I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering, and have come in here with the express intention of wishing one upon you. You want working on, boy! Indeed, I remember my first agent. You can never, never disguise it. Withnail: Sophocles. Monty: Monty: A cat, rain, Vim under the sink, and both bars on. Rubbish. Find *anything*. There is, youll agree, a certain je ne sais quoi oh so very special about a firm, young carrot.. Vegetables again. Danny: If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present! I've looked into it. Grab its ring. He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! Withnail: Black puddings are no good to us. "It's gone. Its landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretensions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot. It's wearing a yellow sock. extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky, seeing a road sign reading "ACCIDENT BLACK SPOT. I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum! Withnail: You'll have to find us first. I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. I took drugs to win medals says top athlete Geoff Woade.". Isaac Parkin: I'm in a park and I'm practically dead. You little thug! The fucking kettle's on fire! Marwood: Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Gold, Guns and God: Swami Bhaktipada and the West Virginia Hare . "Withnail and I Quotes." You have made it high. Danny: Danny: This page was last edited on 1 November 2022, at 17:35. It's all your fault. Withnail: I've already put two shilling pieces in. Withnail: I assure I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly, I've only had a few light ales. Matter. What good's the side? Marwood: [eating chips while taking a bath] Ive got your saveloy. [holding umbrella in rain] Withnail: Scrubbers! I shall miss you too. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. These are the best withnail and I quotes. I tell you, I've a f*** sight more talent than half the rubbish that gets on television. Look at that, accident black spot! Tanks. Murder and All-Bran and rape. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. For some of us a quote becomes a mantra, a goal or a philosophy by which we live. Withnail: Withnail: Withnail: How you feel. Old suit? We were wondering if we could possibly purchase a pheasant off of you. Dosed 'em. Withnail: Stop saying that! Why have you drugged their onions?! *Fork it*! The fuel and wood situation. Danny: Withnail: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. It's like Greenland in here. Uncle Monty: I sometimes wonder where Norman is now. He doesn't have any friends. Afrika Korps. The purveyor of rare herbs and proscribed chemicals is back. Marwood: You're full of Scotch, you silly tool! It's society's crime, not ours. I could take double anything you could. Withnail: [overtaking a car on the motorway] You just wait. Monty: Here it is: Movie Drone: I Heart - Withnail And I moviedroneblog.blogspot.com. Tea Shop Proprietor: His mechanism's gone, he's had more drugs than you've had hot dinners! Withnail: The meaning dawns on him. Withnail: I happen to be the proprietor. Come on, old boy. I was merely making an observation. Tea Shop Proprietor: Just say there are a couple of drunks in the Penrith tearooms and we want them removed. Marwood: But now he's stopped he's much better in our sex life and in our general life." You know what we should do? Marwood: He gags and gasps, Withnail laughs hysterically and falls to the floor, then vomits on Marwood's feet, as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear, after coming out of a field, Withnail hasn't closed the gate properly, and a bull walks through it. It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself "I will never play the Dane." Withnail: Having said that, I now intend to leave for London. Bastard must have died. Uncle Monty: Sherry? Look at me, I'm 30 in a month and I've got a sole flapping off my shoe. You're looking very beautiful, man. First thing we've got to do is get this fire alight, then we split into two fact-finding groups. I feel like a pig shat in my head. Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Withnail: In that case, "To a delightful weekend in the country.". Keep back, keep back! What happened to your cigar commercial? Marwood: Suits me. I'm preparing myself to forgive you. An expert on bulls you are not! [she still doesn't answer. Marwood: I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering. Will we never be set free? It's too hot so he drops it]. Prostitutes for the bees. *You'll all suffer*! If you're hanging onto a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision. Jake: Oh, look at this little bastard. You never discuss your family do you? This is a far superior drink to meths. Be seated. Who is the huge spade in the bath? We'll tell him they had a farmers' conference and had a run on them. Withnail: These mom & son quotes will help you describe your love for him. I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? Withnail: Where is he? Look at him! I have just finished fighting a naked man! [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch]. Withnail: Marwood: (Voice-over) Danny's here. Withnail: I tell you, I've a fuck sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. You hold it down, I'll strangle it. The only thing you're in that I've been in is this fucking bath! Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day! Dealt with them? Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. It's ridiculous. We forgot to bring our Wellingtons. Bates novel I'd read. Listen, Monty, there's something I have to explain to you. Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. How can it be so cold in here? Oh, but how dreadful. [Monty's Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the window]. Gi' me one in t' knee. What had I done to offend him? Withnail: We'll be found dead in here next spring. Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels. It's obsessed with its gut. Search, discover and share your favorite Withnail And I GIFs. Withnail: You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. Have another look in that shed. Withnail: And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of *dust*? It's impossible, I swear it. Whats more popular than the movie itselfis, its amazing quotes. I feel unusual. I sense there is world play but I just don't get it. Scrubbers! I think a drink, don't you? We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Withnail: Eggs and things. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? I think we've been in here too long. Tea Shop Proprietor: No, his dog doesn't come up here. Monty: One of us has got to stay on guard. It's you he wants. What do you want in here? What do you want? . [the drunken, elderly pub landlord opens the till and it hits it him the chest and he almost falls down]. Half an hour? He told me that first day you came to Chelsea. Danny: It's available on I thought they'd all be out the back, drinking cider and discussing butter. Evidently country people are no more receptive to strangers than city-dwellers. Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! Well, I'd hardly say that. *Arrrgh*! He told me about your arrest in the Tottenham Court Road. Withnail: You've got soup. Withnail: If I ever see that silage-heap hanging about up here, I'll take the bastard axe to him. He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! That's politics, innit? Quotes and one-liners: . The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. Now that represents a degree of hypocrisy I've hitherto suspected in you, but have not noticed due to highly evasive skills. 'S alright, 's alright, s'alright We're going, our car has arrived! Sod your pheasants! I know how you feel and how difficult it is. Monty: The best GIFs are on GIPHY. Chin-chin. - Monty: Youre going to finish the vegetables. Monty: General: You'll all suffer! There are are things in there; there's a teabag growing! Here. It'll pass. [lunges towards the sink] The murder and All-Bran and rape. Very, very foolish words, man. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Monty: Withnail: The beauty of the world! This ain't fancy dress." "Curse of the Superman. [during dinner] Well, that can't be sensible, can it? Withnail: Oh dear, no, no, no, I'd be sucked into his trap. This doesn't go down at all well. Withnail: Listen to me, listen to me! [to Withnail] Any minute now he's going to rush out and get into his tights. Waitress: [reading a newspaper] Withnail: This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave oerhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. It's society's crime, not ours. Withnail: The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news! And all at once those frozen hours, melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores. Your sensitivity overwhelms me. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. The wankers on site don't drink it because they can't afford it! grant . I feel unusual. I'm gonna be a star*! I'm glad you're the proprietor, I was gonna have to have a word with you anyway. If I hear more words out of you, I'll put one of these here black pods on you. Two out-of-work actors -- the anxious, luckless Marwood and his acerbic, alcoholic friend, Withnail -- spend their days drifting between their squalid flat, the unemployment office and the pub. Withnail: Change down, man. Withnail: These are the sort of windows faces look in at! This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Withnail And I. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line.